I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
