At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
