I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
