if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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