OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
