Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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