Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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