I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
