i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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