dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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