Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
