I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
