So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
did i just pee glitter
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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