She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
