This house was built for laser tag.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
