I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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