Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
