Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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