your thong is hanging out like whoa
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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