i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
