why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
