I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
