where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize