That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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