i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
