oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize