I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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