I wish I only lived at night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
