The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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