I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
