Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
