I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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