im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I looked at my own cervix.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
