i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
