Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
