they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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