She just used a chaser for red wine.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Less talking, more tequila
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
