I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
