Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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