the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
