I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize