Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
