why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
