A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
