All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
