so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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