the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
