she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
