Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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