U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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