Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
