the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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