Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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