She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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