my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
