it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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