Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
