Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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