i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
