You made me cry and you don't even care
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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