I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
