he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
