Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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