I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I need a burrito and a hug.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
