You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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