she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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