I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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