the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
