why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
