Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
