found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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