he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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