shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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