The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
