All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
