Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
