I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
