Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize