i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
