Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
