i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
