Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
