i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
