I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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