i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
