isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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