Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
