I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
