Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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