Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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