There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
