with your own penis?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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