and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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