I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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