He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
