Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
