Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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