If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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