Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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