Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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