U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he laminated a picture of his dick.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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