So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
