my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
