Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
