Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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