I want to have your abortion
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
