he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
