Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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