He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
