uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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