Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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