ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
where are my eyebrows?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
